Speaking Life or Tearing Down
I could see her whole face light up. It was as if I had flipped a switch. One moment she was on the verge of tears, but after I spoke one phrase to her, she smiled and skipped off. As parents, we have enormous influence over the lives of our children, and one of the main routes of influence is our words. The Bible says that the tongue holds the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21). How we speak to our kids either brings life to their souls or takes life from their hearts. I want to be a parent who speaks life!
As parents, we want our kids to know the way they should live. We want to correct them when we see them moving in a direction that is not in their best interest. However, this desire for good for our children can manifest as constant criticism if we are not intentional with our words.
Intentional Affirmation More Than Correction
As a general rule, for every correction or criticism (even a constructive, necessary one), I try to give three positive affirmations. The affirmations don’t need to come at the same time as the correction necessarily, but I try to keep a running total in my head, so that my kids don’t feel defeated by too much correction and not enough encouragement.
Think about this concept in relation to your own life. When someone makes a negative or critical remark toward me, it generally pops back into my head later and replays a few times before I intentionally mute it. For whatever reason, people tend to hold on to the negative more than the positive. Nice comments tend to repeat only once, if at all, while negative comments often repeat multiple times in our minds.
Self-Reflection
Here are a few important questions to honestly ask yourself (I won’t judge): When kids have a running audio of your negative words play back to them on repeat, what are they hearing? Should some of those things not be said again? Do you apologize to your children for the inappropriate or uncontrolled words you speak to them? Are you speaking enough positive, encouraging words to counteract what is being played in their minds? If not, or if you’re not sure how to affirm your child, below are some ideas to start speaking life into them.
Ideas for Creating Affirmations Specific to Your Child:
- Acknowledge good intentions, even without the intended result. “Thank you for helping your sister look for her toy even though you couldn’t find it. That was kind.”
- Identify and acknowledge good character. “Thank you for your honesty in admitting your error. That is a good character trait called integrity.”
- Praise good choices. “Choosing to finish your homework before going outside to play was a wise choice. Great job!”
- Praise courage. “Wow, you stuck up for the boy at the park when the other kids were making fun of him. That was courageous and kind!”
- Speak highly of them in front of others. “Grandpa, let me tell you what Sam did yesterday…”
- Praise your child for their effort. “Great job persisting, even though that task took a long time!”
- Admire specific characteristics that make them unique. “I love the freckles on your nose!”
- Tell them why you’re proud of them. “I am so proud of you for practicing diligently. It really paid off during that game!”
General Encouraging Words for Kids
- I like you!
- You are special!
- I like that you ___________!
- I enjoy being with you!
- You have a fun personality!
- I love your heart!
- I like hearing about what’s going on in your mind!
- I love your hugs!
- You’re amazing!
- You’re one of a kind!
- You make me smile!
- You have great ideas!
- I’m so glad God gave me you to be my child!
- If I could choose any boy (or girl) in the world to be my son (daughter), I’d choose you!
- I am thankful for you!
- You are stronger than you think you are!
- There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you!
- I am proud of you!
- You are the daughter (or son) that I prayed for!
- You are intelligent!
- You are kind!
- Thank you for being thoughtful!
Encouraging words have a profound impact on our children’s lives! For parents wanting to have an even more profound impact on the lives of their children, read this post for how you can pray for them!
